Friday, October 21, 2011

Rolland Stops Economy Falling to Pieces

Conspiracy theories have started with regards to Allain Roland's dubious decision to red card Sam Warburton and ultimately cost Wales a place in the final.


The excellent performance at the World Cup from the brave dragons has caused a knock on effect that is bringing the nation to it's knees.

Roadside rescue giants AA have announced a record fall in shares. "We just can't compete anymore," announced a spokesperson. "We have been beaten to the last 1,000 breakdowns by Sam Warburton. We have heard rumours of a low swinging, sweet chariot that's wheels have come off though, so we are hoping we can help."

Website ancestry.co.uk saw it's server crash under the strain of millions of despondent Englishmen desperately searching their family family trees for any Welsh relatives. "My great grandfather once went on holiday's in Barry Butlins," said Cuthbert Rupert Henley-Toffington III, "and my mother's middle name is Sian." Some stewards have said the growth of 'non-welshmen' at game had gotten out of hand, "some of these Welsh accents were worse than Catherine Zeta-Jones," said one.


 

Some sources were reporting dangerously low levels of particular produce in food supplies. "We were running out of flour," said one source. "We believe it may be from the large amounts of humble pie being eaten by rugby pundits."


Local governements are also announcing difficulties. Some areas were having to revert back to weekly bin collections just to deal with the high number of St. George's cross flags being thrown in the bin.

Chocolate makers Cadbury's have announced they are withdrawing their tins of Roses as, over the past few weeks, all the soft centres have been taken apart by Jon Davies and Jamie Roberts.

In New Zealand hotels and country club had taken out extra insurance on buildings and golf carts. "We've seen what Andy Powell before and that was only Scotland! Imagine if they had won the world cup."




Meanwhile, the IRB have said they were worried about the prospect of Wales winning the World Cup. "We have nothing against Wales as a whole and wished them the best but we were concerned that if the went on to lift the famous gold trophy Lee Byrne will put it in an envelope and send it to Cash 4 Gold."


One unnamed source at Westminster stated "It had to end. A decision was made to get to the referee and make sure the juggernaught was brought to a halt. 


"Things were already pretty dire and if Wales had won the competition the revenue lost by the millions of Welshmen phoning in sick on Monday would have had catastrophic repercussions to the economy from which we may never have recovered."


"We know they would have all had doctors papers too. We've seen this before."
 

Meanwhile, the first minister of Wales has announced Allain Rolland will be given the freedom of the city. The city in question is Kabul.

Cymru am byth! 

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